Post by Gunny on Feb 16, 2006 16:27:14 GMT
>>When God created woman, He crossed a dung beetle with a cow and got this
>>cute little thing with tits that runs around looking for shit all day.
>>
>>A recent survey asked 100 sexually active men what they most enjoyed about
>>a blow job. 99.9% of them said, "the 10 minutes of silence"!
>>
>>Advantages of having an affair with a married woman?
>>They give like hell. They do not yell. They do not tell. They do not swell
>>and there is no wedding bell.
>>
>>The factory where women are made has been found: It's called "Fatties and
>>Moanies".
>>
>>Women have to be more beautiful than smart, 'cos men see better than they
>>think.
>>
>>Woman's Quote of the Day:
>>"Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job
>>to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into
>>something with which you'd like to have dinner with."
>>
>>Men's Counter-Quote of the Day:
>>"Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and
>>intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age until they go
>>all sour and vinegary and give you a headache."
>>
>>A woman once said that a man is like a deck of playing cards. You need:
>>a HEART to love him,
>>a DIAMOND to marry him,
>>a CLUB to smash his feathersing head in, and
>>a SPADE to bury the ace!
>>
>>Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
>>A: 45 lbs.
>>
>>Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
>>A: 45 minutes.
>>
>>Q: Why is the part between the bottom of a woman's boobs and the top of
>>her vagina called 'a waist'?
>>A: Because you could easily fit another set of tits in there!
>>
>>Q: What's the definition of a gynaecologist?
>>A: He is the only fool on the earth who looks for problems in a place
>>where most other people find pleasure!
>>
>>Q: A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think
>>of?
>>A: Dating children!
>>
>>Q: What is the similarity between a wife and a chewing gum?
>>A: Both are sweet in the beginning and become tasteless and shapeless
>>later.
>>
>>Q: What is the strongest muscle?
>>A: The tongue. It can raise a woman's hip with just one lick!
>>
>>Q: Why is the 69 position like driving in rush hour?
>>A: The house is always in front of you.
>>
>>Q: What is the difference between a panty & a stage curtain?
>>A: When you pull down the stage curtain, the show is over... but when you
>>pull down the panties, it's SHOWTIME!
>>
>>A divorced man meets his ex-wife's new husband at a party. Later after
>>knocking back a few drinks, he goes over to the new guy and asks him:
>>"So... how do you like using second hand stuff?"
>>The new husband replied: "It isn't that bad. Past the first three inches,
>>it's all brand new."
>>
>>A lady bought her ex a present for his birthday.
>>He opened it and said, "What the hell do I want with a rocket?"
>>She said, "You wanted space... now feathers off!"
>>
>>It's funny how, as we get older, our priorities change. The other morning
>>I awoke to see my wife standing beside the bed, dressed in very skimpy
>>underwear and holding several pieces of velvet rope.
>>"Tie me up and you can do anything you want", she purred.
>>So I tied her up and went fishing.
>>
>>Relationships are sometimes difficult to handle.
>>It's like a full time job, and we should treat it as one: if your
>>boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, he/she should give you two
>>weeks notice and, they should organize you a TEMP!!!!
>>cute little thing with tits that runs around looking for shit all day.
>>
>>A recent survey asked 100 sexually active men what they most enjoyed about
>>a blow job. 99.9% of them said, "the 10 minutes of silence"!
>>
>>Advantages of having an affair with a married woman?
>>They give like hell. They do not yell. They do not tell. They do not swell
>>and there is no wedding bell.
>>
>>The factory where women are made has been found: It's called "Fatties and
>>Moanies".
>>
>>Women have to be more beautiful than smart, 'cos men see better than they
>>think.
>>
>>Woman's Quote of the Day:
>>"Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job
>>to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into
>>something with which you'd like to have dinner with."
>>
>>Men's Counter-Quote of the Day:
>>"Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and
>>intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age until they go
>>all sour and vinegary and give you a headache."
>>
>>A woman once said that a man is like a deck of playing cards. You need:
>>a HEART to love him,
>>a DIAMOND to marry him,
>>a CLUB to smash his feathersing head in, and
>>a SPADE to bury the ace!
>>
>>Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
>>A: 45 lbs.
>>
>>Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
>>A: 45 minutes.
>>
>>Q: Why is the part between the bottom of a woman's boobs and the top of
>>her vagina called 'a waist'?
>>A: Because you could easily fit another set of tits in there!
>>
>>Q: What's the definition of a gynaecologist?
>>A: He is the only fool on the earth who looks for problems in a place
>>where most other people find pleasure!
>>
>>Q: A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think
>>of?
>>A: Dating children!
>>
>>Q: What is the similarity between a wife and a chewing gum?
>>A: Both are sweet in the beginning and become tasteless and shapeless
>>later.
>>
>>Q: What is the strongest muscle?
>>A: The tongue. It can raise a woman's hip with just one lick!
>>
>>Q: Why is the 69 position like driving in rush hour?
>>A: The house is always in front of you.
>>
>>Q: What is the difference between a panty & a stage curtain?
>>A: When you pull down the stage curtain, the show is over... but when you
>>pull down the panties, it's SHOWTIME!
>>
>>A divorced man meets his ex-wife's new husband at a party. Later after
>>knocking back a few drinks, he goes over to the new guy and asks him:
>>"So... how do you like using second hand stuff?"
>>The new husband replied: "It isn't that bad. Past the first three inches,
>>it's all brand new."
>>
>>A lady bought her ex a present for his birthday.
>>He opened it and said, "What the hell do I want with a rocket?"
>>She said, "You wanted space... now feathers off!"
>>
>>It's funny how, as we get older, our priorities change. The other morning
>>I awoke to see my wife standing beside the bed, dressed in very skimpy
>>underwear and holding several pieces of velvet rope.
>>"Tie me up and you can do anything you want", she purred.
>>So I tied her up and went fishing.
>>
>>Relationships are sometimes difficult to handle.
>>It's like a full time job, and we should treat it as one: if your
>>boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, he/she should give you two
>>weeks notice and, they should organize you a TEMP!!!!